YES, NO, MAYBE???
- Bea Rademacher, MA LICSW CST
- Mar 3, 2023
- 2 min read
Think back to your high school or middle school sex ed class…. Were you taught about consent? Were you taught how to communicate with your sexual partners about things you are interested in exploring, things that were off limits, as well as things that you might be open to but felt unsure?
In my professional work, one of the most common things I work on with clients is HOW TO COMMUNICATE ABOUT SEX. This essential step seems to have been missed for so many people. Using a “Yes, NO, Maybe” (YNM) list. A YNM list can help open the conversation and allows for boundaries to be clearly defined. The breakdown of the YNM list is pretty low key, you can create your own list, google one, or use the list provided as a starting point. All participants complete the list on their own and then come together and find where they align with their yeses. It is essential to give time to exploring and understanding the nos as these are HARD boundaries.
It is important to note, a YES to a behavior does not mean 24/7 consent to that behavior. Consent still needs to be freely and enthusiastically given before any sexual interactions take place. Also, a YES can at any point be moved into the MAYBE or NO category, it is the responsibility of the individual to communicate the change with the other participant(s). A MAYBE means the individual feels unsure about the behavior and would like to learn more about it and/or try exploring it. Behaviors that have been marked as NO are not up for negotiation, the individual can choose if they want to have a conversation about why that behavior is a NO but it is not a requirement.
YES, NO, MAYBE List Steps
1) Each participant completes the list ON THEIR OWN. Noting if they are open to GIVING, RECEIVING, or BOTH
2) Participants share the list with each other and COMMUNICATE!
3) ENJOY and EXPLORE!!
4) REVIEW and MODIFY as needed.
I have included my YNM list to use as needed. If you would like to explore this further, reach out to me or your local AASECT certified sex therapist.
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